The Happiness Treadmill: Why Chasing Success Doesn't Work (And What Does)

🧠 Summary 

Ever feel like you're always chasing the next big thing, only to find it doesn't bring the happiness you expected? You're not alone. This post explores the neuroscience behind why we get stuck on the "happiness treadmill" and, more importantly, how to step off it and find genuine contentment.

Have you ever told yourself, "I'll finally be happy when..."? When you get that promotion, buy that house, or achieve that big dream? Eventually, you get what you've been dreaming of—and yet, it never feels like enough. That's because your brain is playing a trick on you.

Let's dive into why this happens and how we can break free from this endless cycle.

The Observer's Dilemma: How We Learn to Chase Happiness

As humans, we're natural observers. From the moment we're born, we begin learning by watching others. It's not just a habit—it's survival. Our brains are hardwired to look for patterns in the world around us. It's how we learn what's safe, what's valuable, and what we need to do to thrive.

Here's where it gets interesting: when we see others achieve things—a new car, a promotion, or a beautiful house—they often appear happy, content, and successful on the outside. Without us even realizing it, our brain jumps into action. It starts creating patterns based on what we observe. It says, "If they're happy because of that, maybe I will be too."

The Survival Link: Why Your Brain Prioritizes External Success

Because the human brain is built for survival, it prioritizes these patterns. It interprets them as instructions: "These are the things you need to pursue for safety, happiness, and belonging." Why? Because thousands of years ago, belonging to a group wasn't just a nice feeling—it was essential for survival. Being valued and accepted meant protection, resources, and a better chance at life. That survival instinct is still deeply embedded in us.

So, when we see someone celebrated for their success, our brain links it to survival. It convinces us that achieving similar goals—like getting a promotion, buying a car, or owning a house—is the way to secure our place in society, to feel acknowledged, and to find happiness.

A Personal Story: The Illusion of "Having It All"

I consider myself incredibly lucky. Over the years, I've been able to achieve things that many people associate with success. I bought my first house, upgraded my car, got promotions, and built the kind of life that, from the outside, looked perfect.

But here's the truth I didn't talk about: every time I reached a goal, I felt a brief sense of joy—but it never lasted. It was like my mind immediately moved the finish line. "What's next?" it would ask. A bigger house? A better car? Another milestone?

No matter how much I achieved externally, there was this quiet feeling inside that whispered, "This isn't it." I found myself running toward the next goal, hoping that it would finally bring the lasting happiness I was chasing. But it didn't.

The Neuroscience Behind the Endless Chase

What you're experiencing isn't a flaw—it's something neuroscientists call the hedonic treadmill. It's the reason we adapt so quickly to achievements and find ourselves chasing the next big thing. And it's all happening in your brain, on autopilot. Let's uncover why—and more importantly, how you can take control.

1. Dopamine and the Reward System:Let's talk about dopamine—the feel-good chemical your brain releases when you achieve something. It's what makes you feel amazing when you get that promotion, buy a new car, or land a big project. But here's the thing: dopamine doesn't stick around. It's designed to spike, give you that 'high,' and then fade. That's why the excitement of a new goal quickly wears off—it's not your fault, it's just how your brain is wired.

2. The Adaptation Mechanism:Your brain is also a master of getting used to things. Scientists call this 'hedonic adaptation.' When something new enters your life—a promotion, a fancy gadget, even a relationship—your brain treats it as exciting at first. But soon, it becomes your new normal.

3. The Anticipation Trap:Here's something really interesting: your brain actually loves the chase more than the prize itself. That's right—it releases more dopamine when you're planning for a goal than when you achieve it. Think about the excitement you feel when you're planning a vacation or dreaming about a new job. It's thrilling, isn't it?

4. Default Mode Network (DMN):And let's not forget the Default Mode Network—or as I like to call it, the 'what's missing machine.' This is the part of your brain that's active when you're not focused on a task. Instead of enjoying the present moment, it spends its time thinking about the past or imagining the future.

Stepping Off the Treadmill: How to Find Real Happiness

The first thing we need to understand is that the endless chasing isn't entirely our fault. It's the result of subconscious patterns that your brain has created over time. These patterns were formed because your brain, built for survival, prioritized certain behaviors—like striving for external goals—as a way to feel safe and valued. The same brain that created these patterns can also change them.

Here are my top 2 tips to start the process

1. Shift from Extrinsic to Intrinsic Goals:

    

   We're so conditioned to chase things that look good on paper—promotions, bigger houses, higher paychecks. But those are extrinsic goals—goals driven by what the world tells us we should want.

What if you flipped the script? What if your goals were about things that truly matter to you—like becoming a better version of yourself, deepening your relationships, or creating something meaningful? These intrinsic goals are rooted in who you are, not what others think of you. And that's where real fulfillment begins.

2. Reframe Success:

   Success isn't just about the big moments—it's about the little victories along the way. The problem is, we've been taught to wait until we reach the finish line to celebrate. But what if the journey itself is the success?

Think about this: every time you take a small step toward your goal, give yourself credit. It's like telling your brain, "Hey, we're doing great!" Over time, this simple shift helps you find joy in the process, not just the result.

A Final Thought: Life as a Song

Think of life like a song. You listen to a song not because you want to reach the end, but to enjoy it while it's still playing. 

The world will always have another finish line for you to cross. Another promotion to chase. Another house to buy. And there's nothing wrong with setting goals or wanting more—it's part of being human.

But the secret is to ask yourself: Why? Why am I chasing this? What do I believe it will bring me? It's very important to answer this question as deeply as you can.

When you can pursue your goals with calm, joy, and gratitude, you step off the treadmill and into a life where happiness is already here.

What's Your Take?

If this resonated with you, let's talk in the comments. What's one goal you're chasing right now, and why? Or, what's something you're grateful for today? I'd love to hear your reflections.